I didn't post yesterday because I have been thinking a lot about friendship. How does one define a friend? Do we define them based on our needs? Where do you find them? Are there a certain number or different levels of friendships? These are just a few questions I ask myself.
Some online dictionaries provide the following definitions for a "friend": 1) a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2) a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter 3) One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement. These are just a few and I'm sure that you have your own definitions or can find more.
I found this on Wikipedia:
According to a study documented in the June 2006 issue of the journal American Sociological Review, Americans are thought to be suffering a loss in the quality and quantity of close friendships since at least 1985. The study states that 25% of Americans have no close confidants and that the average total number of confidants per citizen has dropped from four to two. According to the study:
- Americans' dependence on family as a safety net went up from 57% to 80%.
- Americans' dependence on a partner or spouse went up from 5% to 9%.
- Research has found a link between fewer friendships (especially in quality) and psychological regression.
I can identify with this study. My best friend in my spouse. I venture to say that most people I know would say the same. My other close friend would be My Savior, Jesus Christ. If there is any distance or trouble in this relationship, it is my fault. He is a true friend.
I also have had a number of different types of friends. Childhood friends for example, ones I grew up with and who influenced me for good, even though we sometimes got into trouble. We didn't always see eye to eye which resulted in some verbal disagreements, but for the most part they respected my differences. These were ones I shared confidences with, cried with and we helped each other through "tough times". Remember those teenage years...those best friends who you promised to always stay in touch with and nothing could separate you. I have lived in a few places and maybe due to the distance and lack of effort from each other, for a lack of better words, we have parted. They have been replaced by others, but even then may actually end up only being Adulthood friends of a different era.
I have Work friends. I could also label most of them as friends at work. We work together professionally for the most part, but some have mutually chosen to expand conversations outside the boundaries of work. This can be both rewarding and dangerous. As we struggle with work-life balance, knowing interests of others and life beyond the four walls helps us to be more compassionate and forgiving when less than desirable moods or problems creep into the work environment. It can be dangerous for a boss as the lines of authority or perceived accountability by a subordinate can be grayed. When tough economical conditions arise, changes in personnel can be viewed as personal and not business.
I have Church friends. These are ones we serve and often we become recipients of their service. These have actually become some of my closer friends. It is probably because we spend quality time and spiritual moments together. My religion is not just something I do on Sundays. We are more than just "Christers", those that go to church on Christmas and Easter. It is a 24/7 commitment.
I recently listened to a podcast where Ronald A. Rasband was interviewed about his life. He has a lot of friends primarily because he spent a long time living in the same place, plus he has done a lot to maintain them. Here is also a great talk given by him at a CES Fireside in March 2010 on friendships.
Ahhh... I love my BFF hubby! He's the best!
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