Friends...How many of us have them

I didn't post yesterday because I have been thinking a lot about friendship.  How does one define a friend?  Do we define them based on our needs?  Where do you find them?  Are there a certain number or different levels of friendships?  These are just a few questions I ask myself.

Some online dictionaries provide the following definitions for a "friend":  1) a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2)  a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter 3) One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement.  These are just a few and I'm sure that you have your own definitions or can find more.

I found this on Wikipedia:

According to a study documented in the June 2006 issue of the journal American Sociological Review, Americans are thought to be suffering a loss in the quality and quantity of close friendships since at least 1985.  The study states that 25% of Americans have no close confidants and that the average total number of confidants per citizen has dropped from four to two.  According to the study:

• Americans' dependence on family as a safety net went up from 57% to 80%.
• Americans' dependence on a partner or spouse went up from 5% to 9%.
• Research has found a link between fewer friendships (especially in quality) and psychological regression.

I can identify with this study.  My best friend in my spouse.  I venture to say that most people I know would say the same.  My other close friend would be My Savior, Jesus Christ.  If there is any distance or trouble in this relationship, it is my fault.  He is a true friend.

I also have had a number of different types of friends.  Childhood friends for example, ones I grew up with and who influenced me for good, even though we sometimes got into trouble.  We didn't always see eye to eye which resulted in some verbal disagreements, but for the most part they respected my differences.  These were ones I shared confidences with, cried with and we helped each other through "tough times".  Remember those teenage years...those best friends who you promised to always stay in touch with and nothing could separate you.  I have lived in a few places and maybe due to the distance and lack of effort from each other, for a lack of better words, we have parted.  They have been replaced by others, but even then may actually end up only being Adulthood friends of a different era.

I have Work friends.  I could also label most of them as friends at work.  We work together professionally for the most part, but some have mutually chosen to expand conversations outside the boundaries of work.  This can be both rewarding and dangerous.  As we struggle with work-life balance, knowing interests of others and life beyond the four walls helps us to be more compassionate and forgiving when less than desirable moods or problems creep into the work environment.  It can be dangerous for a boss as the lines of authority or perceived accountability by a subordinate can be grayed.  When tough economical conditions arise, changes in personnel can be viewed as personal and not business. 

I have Church friends.  These are ones we serve and often we become recipients of their service.  These have actually become some of my closer friends.  It is probably because we spend quality time and spiritual moments together.  My religion is not just something I do on Sundays.  We are more than just "Christers", those that go to church on Christmas and Easter.  It is a 24/7 commitment.

I recently listened to a podcast where Ronald A. Rasband was interviewed about his life.  He has a lot of friends primarily because he spent a long time living in the same place, plus he has done a lot to maintain them.  Here is also a great talk given by him at a CES Fireside in March 2010 on friendships.

LDS.org - CES Fireside - Thy Friends Do Stand by Thee

I think as I try to sum up my thoughts, they only thing I truly have control over is what type of friend I am.  I need to live a life of integrity.  If I am true to my words and deeds, then maybe I can be an example to others.

Where do you draw the line?

Today was stressful and overwhelming.  Coming back from a weekend, vacation or holiday, I often fall into the mindset of needing to get caught up NOW.  For some weird reason I try and convince myself that within a day I can do more than a days work?  I like the concept that goes something like this, "Work never ends...if it did...it is really only a project."  I think there is wisdom in that.  I guess work could be classified as a bunch of projects or routine transactions, but they are not meant to all get completed at the same time.

Mondays are always filled with prior weeks reporting of sales, starts and closings.  Since our corporate headquarters is located on the right coast, we left coasters are punished in my opinion.  We have an 8:15 am PST deadline.  I like to brag that we must be smarter and more efficient as we can report our information within 15 minutes of the start of our work day, but the east coast gets an extra three hours.  They never seem to find the humor in that, but it never stops me from reminding them.  The reality is someone comes in an hour early to make sure we can meet that deadline.

Not sure what happen this year but schools have taken an extra week off or the timing seems like the holiday is still in full effect.  We still have a number of associates out so I have tried to do my best to pull up the slack.  Normally I can sweat it out a day or so, but I sure felt like I was treading water all day.  We jump right into month end close (first month of our new fiscal year), schedules for a meeting tomorrow and early next week.  We also switched our check run to a new cut off (Wed 8 am EST)...I don't have to say much more than we get it in the night before.

There were moments today when I just felt like grabbing my keys and walking out the door, never to return.  It sometimes feels like that will take away the pain or we can really abandon the situation.  Yeah, I might get some temporary relief, but probably longer lasting consequences and not of the good kind.  Be anxiously engaged in a good cause...how about too many?  King Benjamin wrote, "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order".  (Mosiah 4:27).  So sometimes, we need to give ourselves a time out and liken the scriptures unto ourselves.  This too shall pass.

The work will be there tomorrow because I have lots of projects to do!

Run / Temple Day

Not sure how you measure a successful day?  I've given some thought about what I wanted to accomplish and what was realized.  I'm not a big planner or list maker.  I had three things on my unwritten list:  go for a run, put away all Christmas decorations and go to the temple.  I accomplished 2/3rds, so it was not a total failure.  I got up at 8:30 AM for a run and and went to the Sacramento Temple around 1 PM.  Yeah, 8:30...what a lazy guy.  That's actually about as much as I can sleep in these days.  I guess years of marriage and kids prevents anything later.

I haven't run much since the marathon in November, which has resulted in weight gain (probably due to all the goodies) and lack of exercise during the holidays.  I started a few weeks ago telling people that I was going to exercise more.  This gives me accountability, although I still have to do something about it.  I always hope others will ask or bring it up giving me that extra boost.  That's really why I post my runs on the Nike+ website and Facebook.  Not bragging, just looking for reinforcement.  I think it is important to let others know your goals.  Sometimes I plan to run at lunch so I will bring my workout bag to the office.  Co-workers will ask if I plan to run at lunch.  Of course I can't let them down.  Some think I really have a running bug or get a "runners high".  Not really.  I don't actually enjoy running unless I'm playing tennis or soccer, but it has helped with my slow metabolism.  I have run some cool trails and look forward to exploring more.  Someone said to me a week ago or so that "I was lucky to have a marathon body".  Not so lucky and it has taken me three years to shed 25 lbs, but I've been able to keep it off.  Of course I could probably accomplish more if I maintained a strict diet.

Running has also helped me set goals of self mastery and stretch them.  One of my unwritten goals for 2012 is to run 1200 miles.  This is an average of 100 miles a month or 25 a week, which is totally doable.  But they say a goal unwritten is only a wish.  I let everyone know what I decide.

I guess you can talk too much about running.  I drove my wife nuts talking about all the people I saw running or pointing out what trails and streets I have run on our way to the temple.  I was just sharing my accomplishments, places if you have to run that can provide enjoyment and of course to keep her motivated!

I did manage to take down the first story lights and get down all the storage boxes, but far from putting everything away.  I guess tomorrow and the next day we will hit it again.

The highlight by far had to be attending the temple.  Our stake reserved the afternoon, a tradition we have been doing for a few years in a row now.  What a better day to start out the year, no?  Since it is not open on Sunday's the first of the year really was the second.  It was nice to see so many familiar faces.  Especially when you move from room to room, which has symbolism, to all end up in the same room is the ultimate goal.

Where does one day end and the next begin?

The first day of 2012.  Well it really started the night before with a great dinner at Buca di Beppo with my wife and friends.  Thanks Laura, Cameron, Rebecca, Joe and Wendy.  This seems to have become a tradition as we returned for the second year in a row.  We've missed our friends Ron and Rhonda...maybe we can convince them that Fort Bragg is not as much fun?  After dinner we had a group of folks over to the house to play a few games.  I know someone recorded me dancing to one of the Wii dance party games.  I hope that does not become viral on youtube.  I'm definitely not auditioning for "So You Think You Can Dance?"

What seemed like a short nights rest, became a long day at church.  For those not familiar with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints or LDS Church, we are organized geographically and everyone that lives within marked boundaries meets at a designated time in a "Branch" or "Ward".  Our Ward meets at 1 PM now.  People either love it or hate it, but however you feel, this will be the start of our three hours meetings for the year.  We start with Sacrament Meeting, where we have announcements, church business and partake of the sacrament (some religions refer to it as the Holy Communion).  Then we typically hear from two or three speakers who are members of the congregation and have been asked to speak on a specific subject.  It was a great meeting and I really felt the spirit today.  Not sure why I was so lucky?

The topics spoken on today were, "What does it mean, I am Trying to be like Jesus?" and "Based on the Song - Nephi's Courage CS 120, What is our Modern Day Command?"


My assignment as the Bishop of the Ward means that I get to start a little earlier.  I have meetings with individuals and groups starting at 8AM to 1PM and then finishing up around 5PM depending on who is there to help wrap up the day.  I sure was missing my counselors today as I sat pretty much by myself on the stand conducting sacrament meeting.  I almost wished that someone would have just come up and sat by me.  It probably would have been a little unorthodox, but I wouldn't have been upset.  I spoke to someone who has been having a rough time of late and she said, "You looked lonely, I was hoping one of your kids would have at least come up."

I guess I really could go on and on...but I better get sleep for our Temple Day tomorrow in Sacramento.